[IDDOPA] Chapter 15.1 Still living is good

Proofreader: Big Sister Maralynx (KoFi)

Translator: bluedreamsfairy💙 (KoFi)


BACK 14.4 | CONTENTS | NEXT 15.2

Searching for Ling Luo repeatedly, Lin Xiao’s heart got colder and colder.

That black layer of ash at the bottom of the lake has been scattered apart by Lin Xiao’s movements, who was really discouraged, because there was nothing over there, and the answer to the question: ‘is Ling Luo still alive or not’ was very clear. But he kept on deceiving himself, and still surveyed the place, exhausting his energy, which added up to his previous wounds. Just that Lin Xiao has stayed underwater for too long, and if he continued to swim, he would become the first cultivator who died from drowning, so he swam back ashore, crawled outside the water and holding his legs, he sat up on the lakeside. While looking at the lake, he was thinking of Ling Luo.

Ling Luo was the protagonist, so he wouldn’t die, right? Previously, Lin Xiao was eager for Ling Luo’s death, but now he had an urgent need of looking for Ling Luo again.

He was wrong, he was really wrong. Before he died, Ling Luo still thought of heading back and rescuing him, while throwing himself in the tunnel… In the past life, how could he have behaved in such a bad way with Ling Luo? If Ling Luo was still alive, then… he will dedicate himself to him and treat him well. Yes, he swore.

Lin Xiao closed his eyes, really wishing to cry. This was the weakest moment he had in two lifetimes. Except for his father Lin Yue, nobody else would die for him, let alone the person who sacrificed himself for him, was the one he hated the most.

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Even though he felt weak and wanted to cry, but he resolutely endured because he was a man! So what if he was sad? In the end, didn’t he still have to pull himself together? Why be sad now? Wasn’t it better to think of a solution?

So, Lin Xiao took a deep breath, stood up and decided to take a look under the lake once more. He was convinced that Ling Luo absolutely wouldn’t die!

If alive, must meet the person; if dead, must see the corpse!

He dived in the water again. When he was tired, he didn’t need to eat. Drinking water was enough. And then he would swim under the water again.

He went in circles for a few days. Obviously, Lin Xiao was aware that by doing this, he seemed stupid. But what else could he do, other than continuously searching? His brain was also muddy, because he didn’t know what he could do differently.

One day, he was ready to dive in the water again when he heard the yell of a Magic Beast in the distance. Lin Xiao immediately halted, and a flash passed inside his mind.

BACK 14.4 | CONTENTS | NEXT 15.2


TL: serious topic… don’t read if you don’t want to…









Yesterday I was really depressed and during the night almost drowned myself… however, it was too cold and I don’t like to suffer physically… So, please console me… Not only hugs, but also kisses… Uhm no, kidding. Jeez, anyway, if I suddenly disappear, you know I am done for. (Reading your comments of support, Imma feeling embarrassed, cough cough)

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32 thoughts on “[IDDOPA] Chapter 15.1 Still living is good

  1. You poor soul.
    What happened?
    I know what it’s like wanting to die and stuff, but I never have the courage to do that for the same reason you didn’t do it.
    It’s physically challenging to try and kill ourselves.
    Instead of hugs and kisses, can I just give you some support?
    Don’t give up now because you’re story hasn’t end yet.
    Don’t you want to write your own history and look back and be proud that you can make it through whatever situation that you’re in right now?
    It’s alright to feel anxious or defeated.
    It’s human.
    Just don’t dwell in it for too long.
    I’m sure you’ll do great after some rest.
    Just take your time and breathe.
    Everything will be alright eventually.
    Oh, and remember to stay healthy.
    Because I’m sure when everything is getting better, you’re going to want to do a lot of things later on.
    So keep loving yourself, take care of yourself.

    I’m rambling, I know.
    I’m sorry I can’t give you enough.
    I pray everything will be better for you.
    Sending you virtual hug and kiss
    (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Two years ago, my Dad and brother made a fatal mistake that broke my heart. It’s only words, but very hurting to me.
        Did I feel disappointed?
        Of course.
        Do I feel life is not worth it anymore?
        Very.
        But I still hold on until today because I still have friends that keeps reminding me that I am precious to them.
        They’re also the one who knows how bad that events hurt me.
        So yeah, even if it happens from your family, don’t let get to you.
        You are your own person.
        Love yourself.
        And remember there are other people who loves you too.
        I’ve been struggling with self loathing since childhood due to my perfectionist nature, but I keep going by focusing on things that makes me happy.
        So yeah.
        Try not to focus on your troubles.
        Remember the happy moments in your life and you’ll know one day you’ll experience those happiness again.
        Just be patient.
        I’ll pray that God bless you and help you heal.

        Like

  2. Please don’t die on us 😂 I know killing yourself is always tempting and sometimes it just loops in your head like ” why don’t I just walk into traffic”, “Where’s the knife so I can slice my own neck & get out of this fucked up situation” BUT on those days, during those times just pull out (on your phone) the reading of the day (Bible, I’m Catholic) and I swear it’s like it’s meant for you & speaking directly to you to just pause & remember why you should stay alive & why life is still beautiful. Literally just had to do this yesterday & worked like a charm.

    /Pats on the back/ Stay Strong Friend. I’m looking forward to the next chapter.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sweety, seriously what happened?
    I have been there before but i never had the courage to go through with ending my life. A hug all night from my mom was the only medicine. Soooo i offer you lots and lots of hugs and kisses! Well virtually but the feeling ir there, i promise!
    Whatever it is that brought you down, whatever thought/action/event/person they are not worth anything in front of you. Let it pass, rest, eat healthy, and soon things will look brigther!
    And.. my english fail me. Sorry!
    You got this!
    I will be cheering for you!
    Sending lots of kisses and hugs!!! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well, about the last comment…
    That’s really sad… I mean, there must be something sad that makes you want to do that, I guess. I kind of get it, although I don’t know the specific reason for why you would do that – and it may not be actually a physical reason or a situation in paticular, but just a feeling, or something abstract from your inner self – although I don’t know that, as a fellow human, and as someone that thinks a lot of times that life is actually something pretty sad, I want to comment some thoughts I’ve had through life to you: things can get really sad, things might be really tiring but, at the end, there is always this possible future I which you might be able to see really beautiful things, awesome people, amasing places. I think that things might not seem good at the moment, but that if I give up now, I’ll not be able to see the good things of this world, and I actually, like for real, want to be happy, and I guess it goes the same for the rest. You’ll see, whichever is your reason, you will not be able to see what comes next and, who knows, it might actually be something really good, it all depends on yourself.
    If you feel like talking about it, or talking about whatever comes to mind, you can contact me :). I guess you get my e-mail from this message, but if not, you can answer this comment and we can talk… not like I’m a psycologyst, but I think it would be nice, hope you think so too.
    If not, that’s okey as well. We’re rooting for you, from different parts of the world, we wish you the best. We want you to know that you’re not the only one feeling sadness, and that you’re not alone.
    By the way, thank you very much for the translations, reading this is something that makes my day a little brighter 😀
    And sorry if I made a mistake writting, I’m not the best with english.
    Good luck, you can do it! (this is actually a comertial, I’m selling N*ke clothes, wanna buy something? XD… Joking :U)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Uff, such a long comment, hope you read it XD… By the way, I forgot the hughes and kisses… I actually don’t really like those, but I’ll send you a couple, just cuz of the situation! (I wrote a reply to my own message like crazy cuz of that :3)

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I recommend seeking help if you can. Some feelings are too heavy to bear alone. We are only anonymous readers on the internet, we can’t give you the help you need. It’s okay to feel sad and down, but if it’s so heavy you want to die then please don’t suffer in silence, you’ve already taken the first step.

    Thanks for the great translation ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I dont know what to say but dont do anything rash or you will regret it (long ago i tried it and now i suffer but even know, i still try to have positive thinking).. like what Kleep said were just anonymous on the internet and cant give you help but we can just hear you out.
    I wish you the best! (Hug and kisses you)

    Liked by 2 people

  7. yo please email if you need a shoulder to cry on,
    I spent about two hours trying to write about my experiences and how treatment works and…. WordPress deleted it.
    I would try to summarize it though that was actually the summary of my severe sudo depression and I cant just summarize anymore in fear of losing the whole point of my little essay. But ill do it anyways! In just one sentence that cannot capture anything but the basic point! Yo this hunny bun was really f*cked up and tried multiple times to kick the bucket but through help and a whole book of therapy somehow felt better. See? even that was a run on sentence well I guess that what you get trying to shorten years of mental illness into a sentence. So basically what I’m getting at even this even the hottest of messes can get better so don’t you go quiting on me now fam! Don’t you dare think you wont be missed! The moment you joined this community I signed the adoption papers! HAHA! my plan worked now you’ll never be only your stuck with us for life! You didn’t know but right now I just sent an eternities worth of hugs and kisses! You cant escape the LOVE and AFFECTION I’m sending you! >:D

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh Lordie up in heaven, I see more mistakes

      yo please email *me if you need a shoulder to cry on

      actually, I see more but I’m not sure how to correct them….. ._.

      This is exactly why I never got a good grade from English and why my editor looks at me with eyes of vivid confusion.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. As a suicide-attempt survivor, I can only tell you, before anything else, try out the new “mindfulness” approach to depression, anxiety, etc, ve uy the self-help stuff or the therapy (you can find out which suits you better). If anything, it helps you take things one step at a time and teaches you to split the most overwhelming emotions and mental states into compartments, so you can handle them better and deal with them at a pace that is easier for you to cope with. Learn as much as you can about the way the brain and emotions usually work, and then about the way your brain and emotions work, in particular: what makes you better or stronger in the face of negative mental states and what makes you more vulnerable to them on occasion… (for example, you can keep a journal). Another good option is posting anonymously on mental health forums online. That takes away much of the shame and isolation into oneself that negative mental states usually bring, and hives you perspective while you learn how to know yourself you can find out how to train yourself to cope better with those moments when you’re down. I’m sorry if this is not what some would expect, a kind of magical solution, but my experience showed me there are none of those… Only self-knowledge, meditation and hard work.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Hey honey
    I’m one of your passive readers, I tend not to comment partly due to laziness and probably partly due to anxiety about dumb things but when I saw your note, I felt silence would be unacceptable.
    I don’t know if you’re going through a tough period right now or if you’re suffering from depression and felt particularly down and overwhelmed yesterday, but I think it would be a great idea to seek professional help.
    My closest friend suffered from a pretty bad depression. Things were really bleak for a long time and then she finally decided to get help, and yes professional help isn’t magical by any means and things didn’t get better from one day to another.
    And affording it, and finding the right person definitely took some time. Which is something you need to keep in mind if you decide to seek help. The thing is there are different types (as in the people themselves) of psychologists and psychiatrists, and more often than not the first one might not be the best fit. Also if whatever professionally trained person doesn’t seem to listen properly or acknowledge you it’s time to search anew. The same also counts if they make you feel bad about yourself, and I’m talking about stuff like saying that it’s all in your head, and you’re making things difficult for yourself based on no actual issues because then they’re clearly not suitable for the job, they’ve chosen and in turn inept when it comes to helping you.
    But my point is when my friend got the right help, things started to turn around slowly, it was a process and some days it was one step forward two steps back but she undoubtedly made progress.
    Three years ago she had so many absences due to her not being able to get out of bed that the principal told her, she was at the risk of being expelled. It was so bad that even when she said she would make an effort after the warning, she simply wasn’t able to do it, and in the end she had to drop out before finishing her second year in high school. She got help following that and started her second year over at another school when she felt she was capable of starting again. Things were still hard but she managed through high school with the help she needed and today she’s studying to become a nurse and is literally living her best life.
    DO NOT GIVE UP!
    We’re here, and I hope and think that that might be a part of what you need to make it through as well. Support. I don’t know if you have a proper support system in either your family and/or your friends but if you don’t, WE ARE HERE. Talk with us, I mean yeah we originally came for awesome translations of different novels but if you need it, we can still talk about other things.
    Another thing I wanted to say is, while you seriously contemplated committing suicide, I don’t think us readers are the only ones who wants you to keep living. I think you want to live too. I think you were driven so far out to the point you thought suicide was the only choice but that’s not actually what you want. Because otherwise I don’t think you would have added that note informing us about the horrific choice you almost made. That’s a cry for help. Meaning you do NOT want to die. So please keep that in mind and keep on living and loving and experiencing the world along with us.
    Now one last thing I’m by no means a professional so if I made assumptions you felt were too much and I was being too presumptuous at any point I’m sorry. My entire comment is supposed to be supportive and if it comes off as anything but that, then know it’s not supposed to.
    I hope you feel at least slightly better today.
    I’m sending you a million hugs and kisses from me ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Errr, I left a note mainly because of my character. Because when I ask help, I do it very explicitly. But helps always failed. And, I have been uhm depressed for a long time, specifically because of my family, who also lets someone who is not part of the family, shout at me. And, I consider myself a conscious suicidal, so, when I can’t see and apply other solutions, I consciously choose this path. Actually, I gave up my attempt because the water was very very cold and didn’t want to suffer. Cough cough.

      Like

      1. Not to keep bringing up my friend but I can’t help but draw parallels especially when you mentioned your family.
        A big part of why my friend suffered from a severe depression was due to her family, she experienced a lot of emotional abuse and it took its toll on her.
        She ended up moving out earlier that anyone expected both due practical issues but also due to the toxicity of the entire situation.
        Her family is almost everything to her, and they do love her but them loving her didn’t make all the abuse okay. After moving out that’s when she realized how bad it actually all had gotten and how much her family situation contributed to her depression. Afterwards she actually ended confronting her family about it and while it wasn’t well received and her family didn’t want her coming by their house for a period, she also said she needed the confrontation. It allowed her to be able to move on and to now develop a relationship with her family that isn’t toxic anymore. She has managed to set up a certain distance and set up proper boundaries that allow her to still be apart of the family but without getting caught up in a downward spiral.
        But it definitely took more than one confrontation and there were definitely more than one period and of varying lengths where her family wasn’t speaking to her, and it was devastating and hard as hell and there were a ton of tears involved but she managed through those times with help from friends and other parts of her family.
        So what I’m getting at here is, have considered or tried creating some distance between you and your family? I know it’s not gonna solve everything but for now it sound like you need it. Also do you have any other friends and relatives you can reach out to and lean on?

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Sry I’m ruining your comment section with all these very long comments but one last thing. You said you ask for help very explicitly and it’s great you’re able to speak up about it in your social circle and actively ask for help, but a supportive system isn’t enough and especially sounds like it isn’t enough in your case. Now I don’t know if you’ve already sought professional help, but if you haven’t I’ll just say this. The people you surround yourself with are not professionals, they can only carry so much, give you so much support and so much advice. What’s within their capability is limited, and I say that both as a person who is a part of someone else’s support system and as someone who used to see a psychologist.
        I really hope this doesn’t sound as a reprimand but it’s a gentle reminder of something both me and my friend had to come to grips with.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. É… of course I met professional people. But… they literally can’t physically separate me from the family. They can’t intervene with someone who is not part of my family even though this persone is a big cause of my depression. They can’t talk with him because they are focusing on me… etc.

          Like

  10. Although I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, please know that you have a lot of online friends who are supporting you, and your family and friends as well.

    When I was younger, I thought about suicide a lot, and once even tried. Luckily for me I ended up in the hospital. From my own experience, my family and friends were completely devastated by what I did, so I’ve never done that again.

    Life sucks sometimes and it’s really hard to get through, but just imagine how you would feel if the closest person to you killed themselves. That’s the reason I’ve found to muddle through. Also, life isn’t just hard times. There’s things that make you laugh and smile as well. After I got through the hardest part, I learned to appreciate those times more.

    Wishing you support from all the good people in your life!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t have friends and my family lets a hateful person ‘bully’ me. Or else why would I do that without any reasons if not that there aren’t any other solutions? Anyway, good for yaa that you could go through your obstacle.

      Like

  11. oh my lord- bluedreamsfairy QAQ; aih, family. Especially can really hurt deeply especially when your first instinct is to trust them to protect you.

    I don’t know about your family situation but as someone who doesn’t really get along with my own dad.. I can only say, sometimes when we put too much expectations on other people, at most, someday they are bound to fail to reach it. Humans make mistakes. And some human are pure scum who makes one feel their value is worthless.

    But you shouldn’t listen to them. You decide your own value. We can’t change some people but the we have power over our own point of view. Protect yourself. Love yourself. >_o<

    Liked by 1 person

  12. (my message got cut T.T; cry) -There’s a whole world of possibilities outside. This can’t be the only way. The struggle is exhausting but try your best to live for yourself. There’s still more sights to see, more food to eat, more novels to read, and maybe more people to meet. Take care

    Liked by 1 person

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